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BY JENNIFER SILVERMAN
Anyone who has survived a breakup or divorce knows all too well that splits are chock-full of beyond-frustrating, heartbreaking phenomena.
Life as we know it ceases to exist and in one way or another, everything changes – some for the worse, most eventually for the better. (Really - you'll see!)
Breakups force us to reassess, do some major self-introspection, and when we're ready, choose again.
One seldom-discussed divorce and breakup by-product is what yours truly has coined, “the dreaded mind fog”.
It’s tantamount to brain freeze - words no longer express feelings and frankly, words are no longer readily available.
Heck, even if we could find our lost language, who knows what exactly we’re feeling anyway? Everything is a blur.
In times like these, I reached for my empowering breakup & divorce playlist. When suddenly nothing seems certain, a motivational breakup soundtrack can express what we can’t.
Really great breakup songs inspire us, comfort us, give us back our voice, and perhaps even generate a chuckle or two.
Powerful breakup anthems are not designed to induce depression; they make us feel seen and remind us that we're not alone on our breakup journey. Oodles (a technical term) of folks have walked this path before. Those of us who are committed to healing from divorce or breakups will survive and flourish.
Check out my personal breakup anthems below to tackle all the ups and downs of splitsville.
Whether you're grieving, celebrating, plotting revenge, or recovering from heartbreak, this playlist has an uplifting breakup or divorce song for all the feelings.
(It’s a pretty quirky list. Fact - no playlist is complete without Cher.)
I hope this liberating breakup soundtrack will get you through the hard times and remind you how very far you've come.
DIVORCE & BREAKUP PLAYLIST A LA THE CURIOUS COLUMNIST:
(These powerful puppies are in no particular order with the exception of Ms. Gaynor’s glorious creation. It was by far my saving grace during my divorce.)
I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor - The Essential Breakup Tune:
FAVORITE "I WILL SURVIVE" LYRIC: “Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye? You think I'd crumble? You think I'd lay down and die? Oh no, not I, I will survive.
TAKEAWAY INSPIRED BY GLORIA GAYNOR: We absolutely will survive - and thrive post-divorce and/or breakup. This is THE breakup anthem. Every element of I Will Survive is perfection. The lyrics were so spot on for my whacko divorce.
FAVORITE "I AM WOMAN" LYRIC: “You can bend but never break me. 'Cause it only serves to make me more determined to achieve my final goal. And I come back even stronger. Not a novice any longer. 'Cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul.”
TAKEAWAY INSPIRED BY HELEN REDDY: Girl power knows no bounds. We're SO much stronger than we realized at the get-go.
FAVORITE "I MISS ME MORE" LYRIC: “Forgot who I was before I ever kissed you. Yeah, I thought I'd miss you. But I miss me more.”
TAKEAWAY INSPIRED BY KELSEA BALLERINI: As the great and powerful Oprah says, “What is this experience here to teach us”? As Kelsea reminds us, breakups are an opportunity to find ourselves again and become who we were meant to be – without the jerks bringing us down.
FAVORITE "F*CK YOU" LYRIC: “F*ck you, f*ck you very, very much. 'Cause we hate what you do. And we hate your whole crew. So, please don't stay in touch.
TAKEAWAY INSPIRED BY LILY ALLEN: Okay, I know this is not actually a breakup song, but it totally made me smile during my divorce saga. Plus, if your separation situation involved bad behavior by not only your ex but his crew of bullies, you’ve cleansed your life of all that toxicity in one fell swoop. Well done.
FAVORITE "GOODBYE EARL" LYRIC: “She held Wanda's hand, and they worked out a plan and it didn't take 'em long to decide that Earl had to die." + "And it turns out he was a missing person who nobody missed at all."
TAKEAWAY INSPIRED BY THE CHICKS: A classic ode to BFF's, Goodbye Earl reminds us that we can take down the loser bad guys together! When things get rough, lean on your friends. They'll back you up and maybe provide the synergy to give karma a little nudge. (Obviously, don't commit any crimes...even though it's tempting.)
FAVORITE "MEAN" LYRIC: “All you are is mean. And a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life.”
TAKEAWAY INSPIRED BY TAYLOR SWIFT: As my divorce coach said, the biggest fear of most “wasbunds” or exes is to be seen by the world as villains - so they try desperately to be perceived as victims. Even if your ex puts on a good show of not caring how he hurt you or how he behaved, he must live with it, and until he grows, he will indeed be alone in life – with just himself and his thoughts. Sounds pretty darn miserable, right?
FAVORITE "FLOWERS" LYRIC: “I can buy myself flowers. Write my name in the sand. Talk to myself for hours. Say things you don't understand. I can take myself dancing. I can hold my own hand. Yeah, I can love me better than you can.”
TAKEAWAY INSPIRED BY MILEY CYRUS: When we realize we can love ourselves better than our exe’s can, it’s a big aha moment. We deserve better.
FAVORITE "A SPECIAL PLACE" LYRIC: “I don't hate you, but I sure don't wish you well. There's a special place in Hell (for you).”
TAKEAWAY INSPIRED BY DANIELLE BRADBERY: Sometimes “not hating” and “wishing well” is the best we can do during and after breakups - and it’s not a problem. Healing takes time. Forgiveness takes even more time and it's different for everyone.
FAVORITE "YOU OUGHTA KNOW" LYRIC: Well I'm here, to remind you of the mess you left when you went away. It's not fair to deny me of the cross I bear that you gave to me. You, you, you oughta know."
TAKEAWAY INSPIRED BY ALANIS MORISSETTE: Much gratitude to my pal, Lindsey for pointing out exactly what was missing from this breakup playlist - Alanis! Channel some Alanis and get angry about your breakup or divorce when you need to. Punch a pillow. Jump on some bubble wrap. Face reality - it's the doorway to life after divorce freedom.
FAVORITE "I GOT MY NAME CHANGED BACK" LYRIC: “Now who I was ain't who I be. I got my name changed back.”
TAKEAWAY INSPIRED BY THE PISTOL ANNIES: Breakups are a fresh start. A chance to be whoever we want to be, build the life we want to live, and rediscover our authentic selves. We don’t have to be who we were. We can be even better.
FAVORITE "BAD FOR ME" LYRIC: “My therapist told me to write you a letter. She said if I did it would make me feel better. But it wouldn't do sh*t even if I sent it. 'Cause you won't get it, you're too damn selfish."
TAKEAWAY INSPIRED BY MEGHAN TRAINOR: A sad reality is that often times, our exes just don’t care about us at all anymore. It’s all about them. Just remember this magnificent Maya Angelou quote - “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”
FAVORITE "STRONG ENOUGH" LYRIC: “I'm telling you. Now I'm strong enough to live without you. Strong enough. And I quit crying long enough. Now I'm strong enough to know, you gotta go.”
TAKEAWAY INSPIRED BY CHER: As my trusted advisor, Gloria repeated to me time and again for months during my divorce, “he doesn’t deserve to live rent-free in your head.” Let’s evict those ex-husband and ex-partners once and for all. No vacancies.
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