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BY JENNIFER SILVERMAN
Dear Guys,
We hear you.
We totally understand that dating apps are beyond-frustrating, major time-sucks that often don't work.
They bum you out when Ms. Right is nowhere to be found.
They also bum you out when you hit the promising profile jackpot, but the girls don’t respond. Or they’re jerks. Or they ghost you.
We can help.
(Partially because we’re nice like that and partially because the more guys in the world who understand the advice we’re about to divulge, the better for us all.)
Welcome to girl talk. You’re about to receive unprecedented access to our unfiltered thoughts about dating app profile tips for guys and dating app behavior in general.
This guide may be brimming with tough love, but our intention is not to give you a hard time.
Our goal is to introduce you to a different dating app perspective to put your best foot forward - thereby meeting Ms. Right, and deleting dating apps once and for all. (Which of course, is the point.)
I knew someone for many years who often declared, “common sense is only common to you.”
Admittedly, some of these dating app tips do seem somewhat obvious to us, but given the number of guys who seem to regularly do the opposite, we thought they were worth bringing to your attention.
The dating app profile advice below is courtesy of a group of talented, accomplished gal pals with vast dating app experience. I’ll refer to these dating darlings as “The Panel” from this point, forward.
(FYI, the images of people below are not actual dating app pictures. They are stock photos featuring models to serve as visual aids. We absolutely wouldn't steal app pics sans permission. You know, in case you wondered.)
So, without further ado:
1. BE AUTHENTIC.
(Perhaps the most important dating app tip for guys...and everyone else.)
Perhaps your dating app profile boasts glamorous, globe-trotting images from your past, but circumstances prevent you from taking such lavish trips at present. Don’t post those pictures.
Perhaps you’ve gained some weight or lost some hair and prefer older pictures with luscious locks and bulging biceps. Of course you do. We all do. But don’t post those pictures.
Obviously, if the images you share do not accurately depict your reality right now, you’re catfishing potential dates and setting yourself up for failure.
(By the by, catfishing does not only apply to weirdos pretending to be other weirdos. It's also an apropos descriptor for dishonest daters who are deceitful about anything – from hair loss to desired relationship type, etc.)
Our outward appearance advice may seem really shallow, but in the techy app and online dating world, first impressions are based on images.
On apps, we don’t enjoy the benefit of experiencing your charisma or sense of humor or positive presence. Your images should convey your personality in a genuine manner.
When you do meet a date on video or in person, and she realizes you misrepresented yourself in any way on your dating profile, she will be disappointed, period.
She’ll also feel lied to on some level, which is no way to begin a relationship. (It is, however, a great way to end a relationship before it begins.)
More than likely, she would have actually been on-board meeting the REAL you.
Unfortunately, not being upfront will ruin your shot.
HEY, IF WE CAN'T TRUST YOU TO BE TRUTHFUL IN YOUR PROFILE, WHY SHOULD WE TRUST YOU?
2. DON'T BE STINGY WITH INFO.
We understand you may think appearing mysterious on your dating app profile is a draw.
We know you’re short on time. Because everyone is short on time.
You write as little as possible or nothing at all.
You don’t complete all or even most of the fields.
Here’s the honest truth: Even if you’re a dead ringer for George Clooney, your dating app pictures are not enough for most of us to devote any time to getting to the bottom of everything you did not share.
If we don’t have enough info to go on from your dating app profile, you’re probably going to get rejected.
(Which is totally sad because you may have been just the guy we were looking for – especially since you’re reading this guide, so clearly, you’re open-minded and willing to put in the effort.)
3. PROOFREAD.
If your dating app profile features an abundance of spelling errors, but you claim to be a VP, we’re suspect. We’ll probably assume you’re attempting to catfish us and are actually unemployed and living in your parents’ basement.
If your answers don’t make sense, we surmise you’re not serious, or you’re high, or you’re one of shall we say, the duller knives in the drawer.
If you openly admit your fear of insects or things that slither on dating apps, props for being open, but demerits for not being manly. (Sorry for the stereotyping, but if you can’t kill a bug, most of us would rather find someone who can.)
Your dating profile’s written content plays a BIG role in our decision to like you back, like in the first place, or "x" you out forever.
Being goofy (as opposed to witty), mean, boastful, or as previously mentioned, vague, will seriously hurt your chances.
4. BE CLEAR ABOUT YOUR CAREER.
If you don’t list a job on your dating app profile, we infer you don’t have one. That’s a dealbreaker for most members of The Panel.
If you legit don’t have a job, be upfront & tell the truth.
Demonstrating honesty about your situation will provide much better odds for a dating app match. Yes, being jobless is still a hard no for many, but that’s the reality.
Being forthcoming is always preferable to obviously sidestepping.
Also, if you decide to make an attempt at levity and call yourself “Robin Hood” or ‘Eyeball Mechanic” it’s almost just as bad. We don’t know what you’re trying to say, and we don’t get your joke.
We’ll quickly assume you have something to hide, or that you have a lousy sense of humor - or both.
The sad truth: The vast majority of us will immediately "x" someone who puts nothing in the dating app job field.
5. CHOOSE YOUR IMAGES WISELY.
I’ve seen guys holding snakes.
Not smart – many women find them terrifying; Clearly, we’ll want nothing to do with a dude who collects them.
I’ve come across wedding pictures and pictures of men with their presumed exes.
If you can’t come up with an image without an ex on your dating app profile, we assume you’re not over her. Or still married to her. (Same goes for images with a cropped-out ex in which her arm, engagement ring, and/or hair is still visible.)
If you think posting images of your gorgeous ex will impress us, you’re wrong for the reasons above. We don’t care who she was or what she looked like at this stage.
At this point in the game, we just want to make sure you’re an honest, non-slimeball, nice guy who is employed – and not as an ax murderer.
Furthermore, silly, unflattering, sloppy, and/or crazy artsy images will not do you any favors.
The idea here is to be sincere and make an effort to showcase your best but authentic self.
Maybe comb your hair. Maybe allow us to see your face. Maybe don’t wear the same t-shirt in every picture.
Maybe don’t stand in front of a urinal. Please don’t stand in front of a urinal.
Believe it or not, for some ridiculous reason, (perhaps a convenient mirror for selfies??) boatloads of guys take profile pix in public restrooms. I kid you not.
6. BE SELFIE-SELECTIVE.
The Panel overwhelmingly dislikes selfies on dating app profiles.
They imply you have no one in your life to take pictures. You also come across as a little vain.
One selfie is fine.
Two selfies are pushing it.
More than two selfies will result in a surefire "x" click.
I was seeing a super-nice guy for a while who I later discovered had albums of selfies on his phone, which gave me serious pause.
I eventually reached the conclusion that he was rather self-obsessed, which is not a box on any rational girl’s checklist. So, sayonara selfie guy.
7. DON'T GO CRAZY WITH SHIRTLESS PHOTOS.
Oodles of guys seem to be all about the sans-shirt photos.
We assume you think app ladies will be super impressed with your six pack.
It’s totally possible, but one shot is enough.
In an effort to not appear really egotistical, we recommend posting only shirtless images that are appropriate in context (i.e. water adjacent).
For instance, if you’re on a beach – perfect. If you’re on a boat – great.
If you’re in a restaurant, your house, a car lot, a tanning salon, or a Home Depot, just don’t.
By the same token, headless, shirtless torso pix are a dating app don't - always. No one wants to date a headless guy. What possible advantage is there to cropping off your head? Really, please explain the logic to us.
The Panel immediately rejects guys with shirtless torso profile pictures - we don't even look at the other images or text. Torso pictures are creepy red flags, and we're not willing to overlook it.
It (hopefully) goes without saying that if you feel you need to hit the gym or are just not that confident at the moment (we’ve all been there), skip the shirtless pix.
8. DEVOTE A FEW MERE SECONDS TO ACTUALLY READING OUR PROFILES.
The Panel finds it extremely annoying when we’re asked a question, and the answer is already clearly stated on our dating app profile.
Don’t ask us what we do when we’ve already provided that info.
If you’d like to learn more while demonstrating interest and good intent, say something to the tune of, “I see you work in medicine. How do you like it?”
Acknowledge that you took the time to read what we wrote, and then make your inquiry.
If you can’t be bothered to read our profile, we tend to believe you won’t be bothered to get to know us.
Case in point, one guy sent me a comment that I “seemed like a genuinely kind person.” This was certainly a very nice thought, and under normal circumstances I would appreciate it.
In this instance however, I did not feel I said anything in my profile that remotely reflected my level of kindness. So, I assumed it was just another pickup line, and moved on.
Lastly, don’t assume we’ll throw away our standards because you consider yourself a catch. If we’ve selected “monogamy” or “doesn’t want kids” and you’ve selected the opposite, we will not be interested.
Don’t even try.
The Panel would unanimously, immediately "x" someone in this scenario, and we all have. (It implies you didn’t read our profile carefully or at all, or even worse, that you just don’t care.)
9. MAKE A COMMENT TO ACCOMPANY YOUR LIKE.
If you’re using an app in which you have the option of just liking someone or penning a comment to go with that like, add a comment.
On Hinge for example, liking us but not commenting on anything, is making no effort to engage. (When we say “comment” we mean with words.)
Sentences composed primarily or completely of emojis (especially the fire emoji - ick!) absolutely do not count.
You’re setting yourself up for success by commenting on something we said in our profile, or a specific image, and then asking a related follow-up question to get the convo going.
For example:
Portion of profile answer: “I love classic TV.”
Appropriate comment to accompany like: Hi ___. “What are your favorite classic TV shows? I’m really into ____ myself.”
10. CUT OUT THE CHEESY PICKUP LINES.
(Like. the. plague.)
A couple of doozies which have come my way are, “You’re my dream girl.” and “God broke the mold when he made you.”
None of The Panel members had a positive response to either of these lines.
Acting as though you know us when you don’t, just makes you seem like a disingenuous dude who uses the same line on everyone.
11. USE CAUTION WHEN COMPLIMENTING.
Personally, I won’t reject someone for sending a simple compliment my way.
If, however, the chat fails to evolve into something more substantive, I assume the guy isn’t willing to go any deeper.
Many of The Panel members immediately reject guys who comment on appearance (which is most guys) because it demonstrates no acknowledgment that we’re anything more than our profile images, much less breathing humans.
Be creative. There are SO many other things to say that will prompt an actual response.
12. BE A HUMAN, NOT A GHOST.
(Unless you want to be immediately exorcised.)
We’ve been there.
If we’re not vibing, or you think we’re total bores, or you worry we’re too shoe-obsessed, or you’re just not feeling it, that’s totally cool. The bizarre dating app experience is all about trial and error.
We know you don’t owe us anything at the chat stage.
However, don’t be a scuzzball.
If you schedule a phone call, either call or give us some sort of head’s up that you won’t be calling.
Don’t just not do what you said you would. It’s rude and inconsiderate, and bad karma. (Of course, the same rule applies to us ladies.)
While we're on the subject, there may be some misconceptions regarding “ghosting”.
The Panel defines ghosting as: (verb) - disappearing into thin air after you’ve committed to doing something, and subsequently failing to do it. (Like scheduling a phone call, video call, or even an actual in-person date.)
Simply not responding to a dating app message is not ghosting by our definition. Apparently, it’s just par for the course – unfortunately.
13. VERIFY YOUR PROFILE.
Many apps offer verification for a reason.
This may seem like a no-brainer, but I kid you not, throngs of guys do not bother to verify their profiles.
If you don’t take the time to do it, we assume you’re either lazy or not a real person.
Yeah, it’s annoying. Especially if you’re dyslexic and have spatial issues with the weird oval facial recognition thing that some apps employ.
If you fail to get verified though, you’re unlikely to get a shot from almost all non-catfishing ladies.
Trust us, the thirty seconds will be well worth it.
So, there you have it - tips and tricks for an extra-tall leg up on the dating app competition!
(And just so you know, we completely acknowledge that the female dating app contingent is also guilty of girl-versions of the above.
No dating app user, including The Panel, is without fault. We can all do better. But, in our experience, Dating App Tip 1 - being authentic, goes a really long way in creating a top-notch dating app profile.
Go forth, be yourself, and get ready to meet some ladies who are genuinely themselves in return. We wish you gobs of good luck!
Looking for more dating app tips for the post-profile creation phase? A forthcoming Part 2 is in the works!
Sincerely,
The Panel a la The Curious Columnist
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