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BY JENNIFER SILVERMAN
Does anyone actually, truly know anyone?
I mean, I know we say we truly know our posse. We may even believe we truly know our people. But do we, really?
It was certainly on my mind post-divorce when I discovered I didn't really know my ex-husband - despite 14 years of evidence to the contrary.
On a brighter note, I recently put the notion of how well we know the folks around us to the test - during a long overdue reunion with a long lost relative. The experiment was a resounding success.
Chelsea, my first cousin once removed (whatever that means), grew up in Memphis, and I was raised in Louisville. My grandfather and her father were half-brothers.
Similar in age, Chelsea and I didn’t meet until elementary school, but immediately hit it off like gangbusters.
Despite our instantaneous bond, for one reason or another, our visits stopped, and we lost touch.
I imagine life simply went on as it tends to do. Somewhere along the way, 25 years elapsed.
Fast-forward to present day. Chelsea grew up to be an attorney, and I sought out her expertise to understand some legal issues surrounding my divorce.
Suddenly, a relationship that had long ago disappeared had a chance at resurrection.
Although we only corresponded briefly, Chelsea took me up on an offer to visit my Island home. I was beyond excited to be reunited with a family member I had so adored, but I admit I was apprehensive.
After all, I didn’t know Chelsea as an adult, and we had become very different people since our childhood visits.
Chelsea loves the outdoors and enjoys camping, climbing, and paddle-boarding - activities for which I have no aptitude.
I am a prissy introvert with little athletic ability who worries about my nails.
Chelsea is a bold, adventurous extravert who seems to somehow learn the life stories of fellow restaurant diners before the second course.
In contrast, I spend my time looking at the menu design, itching to propose a different choice of font.
Chelsea is an outspoken advocate for the rights of all and has dedicated her career to fighting against injustice. I spent my career fighting against fashion faux pas and was concerned Chelsea might think me shallow.
I am a neat freak who compulsively organizes, and Chelsea is a free spirit who goes with the flow. You get the idea.
If you’re wondering if the visit was chockfull of awkward silences and fashion clashes, it was not - at all.
What we did share was mutual respect without judgement and a desire to truly know our adult iterations. We also both happily engaged in activities that interested the other.
It turns out we had a lot to catch up on and chatted long into the night about all we’d missed, and who we are today.
Our visit was absolutely wonderful, and I found myself feeling so grateful to reconnect with such a special person.
We spoke at length about the possibility of not truly knowing anyone, as my divorce inspired Chelsea to contemplate the issue as well.
It occurred to me that the ways in which we "know" others can certainly take on many forms. The people in our lives tend to experience various aspects of exactly who we are - especially during life's ebbs and flows.
There are certainly many relationships that cease to continue for good reason. Those relationships leave us all the wiser from knowing at the end what we didn’t know at the beginning.
Reconnecting with Chelsea during our joyful reunion reminded me that cherished friendships that fade away need not be lost forever.
We may not really know the people in our lives, but the mutual desire to understand and accept one another goes a very long way.
Alas, truly knowing someone may be a lifelong pursuit that is never actually accomplished. However, the journey of sincerely wanting to better understand those we care for, and accept them fully and unconditionally, is the stuff of true companionship.
It’s these relationships that are worth preserving – even if they fizzled out decades before.
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