Embrace Your Bitter Divorce Daydreams; Then Release Them.

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BY JENNIFER SILVERMAN

In anticipation of my blog launch, and in an effort to ensure I didn't reveal anything that may prompt outrage, stares, or whispers, I solicited insight from friends and family.

I was delighted that the lion’s share of feedback about my shiny new blog was positive.

I was, however, surprised when most of my advisors insisted that one post entitled, “When Divorce Comes Down to Toilet Paper” should never see the light of day.

Since I am a divorcee who grew leaps and bounds during the debacle that was my divorce, I’m pretty keen to virtually gab about everything I've learned on my divorce journey.

I would be so honored if my story might inspire you to press ahead or prevent you from making the mistakes I made.

Although I imagine that most divorces are shocking, mine was beyond bonkers.

It was the kind of divorce fiasco that would be hilarious on a comedic sitcom - had it not been reality.

I wouldn’t have believed many of the antics myself had I not been the target of them.

The blog post in question happens to chronicle one such nutty divorce saga, and it was written in the form of a fairy tale.

“Why a fairy tale?” you may ask. Because it’s funny.  

Also, because the evil witch, court jester, and used-to-be prince charming brought the narrative to life.

Although my people were entertained by my composition, they remarked that it lacked the life lessons and compassion I typically try to incorporate in my writing.

It also portrayed me as thoroughly and undeniably, petty.

After all, who else but a very petty person would throw decorum out the window in favor of exposing the bad guy bullies in all their glory?

In order to give my loved ones’ critiques careful consideration, I put my imagination to work and conjured up a daydream in the form of a teatime gab session with Hedda Hopper.

I envisioned complimenting the glamorous Old Hollywood columnist’s chapeau and thoroughly delighting in her gleeful expression as she read my fable with a mischievous twinkle in her eye.

I have no doubt that Hopper would advise me to tell all, just as she did during her own writing journey.

Of course, Hedda Hopper was not so much well-liked, as she was feared.

I admit that at times, I’ve fantasized about the power of the pen a la Hopper.

The notion that my written words could maim those who so heartlessly inflicted pain on me painted a delectable image in my mind on days when I felt particularly spiteful.

Here’s the thing – we’re all human.

Negative feelings, like all feelings, should be acknowledged, felt, and dealt with.

Otherwise, we are doomed to become human forms of dormant volcanoes on the verge of eruption - much like the aforementioned, used-to-be prince charming.

Am I entitled to be petty after the malicious way in which I was treated?

Heck yeah.

Am I embarrassed about it?

Not really.

Do I want to live in that angry state of mind forever?

Definitely not.  

If writing a personal development blog is about being honest and upfront with readers like you, why should I be ashamed by my very human reaction to the catty behavior of others?  

I am wholly willing to take responsibility for my actions, be they good or bad. The negative, vindictive me is not the me I’m proud of, nor is it the me I strive to be.

However, I’d rather be honestly petty for brief periods than dishonestly devoid of authentic emotion.

So, I’m content to feel my feelings, and allow myself to indulge in bitter divorce daydreams on occasions when my soul craves the release.

Afterall, acknowledging all feelings, even the petty ones, is a means of healing from divorce and in life in general.

Acting on those feelings, however, is a different beast - the fire-breathing-kind. (Needless to say, it's probably best to stay away from anything that emits flames.)

As for whether or not I’ll publish the crazy divorce story tell-all in magnificent fairy tale fashion, I’ve opted to keep it under my hat – at least for now...

(If you're wondering how the heck one goes about "feeling their feelings" and then "releasing" them to move on from divorce, breakups, or grief, click here for insight courtesy of the great and powerful, Oprah.)

(I guess you've figured out who played the wicked witch in my divorce saga, right?)

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